How "not" to smuggle drugs into Mexico

So, before he left Ozzy told me to look for something from UPS that I needed to bring down with me. He said it is just coloring and said it is small, "just this big", showing me a grapefruit size with his hand. Sure I said, not a problem. The package comes. I open a box and there sits eight pounds of white powder and it is the size of a basketball. F&@?er is my first thought. My second thought is, "I wonder how bad the jails in Mexico are what are they going to do with my children?" Ozzy was waiting for me but he would have no idea that I was arrested and I had no way of getting in touch with him. Poor planning on our part.

We, the kids and I, give it a go. They had no idea what was going on and what could possibly happen to me and them. I pack what appears to be a huge amount of cocaine at the very top of the smallest bag that has all of the kids learning materials and some toys. Funny thing is that the "bag" doesn't raise any eyebrows in the US. They were probably thinking, finally someone is taking drugs out instead of bringing them in.

We get to agriculture checkpoint in Mexico and I am up, with two kids, a total of ten bags, five of which are huge, and my eight pounds of white powder. I am getting irked. The kids are trying to help which is very kind but you know how that goes, just underfoot, Alex broke the handle on my roller board bag I live out of and the guy behind the screen says "senora" you need to step to the side as a officer grabs my small "bag" and helps me with all of my other shit to get out of the way . The guy screening must have had a red alert button beside him because before I knew it there were five officers there which quickly grew to about 15. They were very nice, playing with the kids, smiling, laughing at me behind the smiles. I tried to explain to them what my white powder was but they just had to make sure. The huge bag of white powder is laying on the table and a very official "Officer" takes a sample, puts it in a very small plastic bag, holds it up and they ALL gather around to look. I can just read their faces, they are wanting some excitement and thinking "this bitch is crazy and uses her kids as a cover up!" At this point I become nervous because I don't know if they are doing a color test or what. To me, white is white. Luckily I was one of the last to go through the agriculture check point, that way I didn't have a whole plane load of people watching this lady with two innocent children trying to smuggle drugs, the 15 agriculture employees were plenty.

The white powder passed the test. "I" knew it wasn't drugs, but the thought that Mr. White Bread really was not who I thought he was did cross my mind. The kids and I were free to go. WHEW!! The funny thing is that they were so concerned about the eight pounds of white powder that they didn't even see the brown powder that I brought. Yes packed beside the white. Ozzy failed to mention that one before he left. F#$%er!!

Obviously, Ashley